Revisiting: Rat Race

The last time I saw this movie was probably shortly after it came out on DVD. DVD was still in its infancy then, and I clearly remember this being one of the very very first movies my family ever rented on the new format once we got our first new fangled DVD played. Not the first movie we rented, that was "The Little Mermaid II: Return to the Sea" naturally, but this movie might have been rented that same trip to the video store.

And back then I remembering LOVING "Rat Race" like it was the funniest thing that ever happened in the whole world. I even watched it twice that weekend because I couldn't get enough of it. I thought the situations were ridiculously awesome. Imagine - a billionaire sets up a crazy race for $2 million dollars and gives the keys to like seven or eight people - then all these crazy things happen to those people as they race for the money and the billionaire and his friends just sit back and watch and laugh. Nothing could ever EVER top the very Jewish Jon Lovitz mistaking the barbie museum to be about Barbies and not Nazis, as it actually was and then stealing Hitler's car! Or how about that scene where Seth Green and some no namey actor that went nowhere with his career went up the side of the tower at the airport - wait for it - in their truck! It was just too funny and since then I've thought this was one of the funniest movies I've ever seen and has remained on the short list of movies I think of when I think of "comedy."

Well I don't know what could've happened in the nine years that I've last seen this but when I got the chance to record this on my DVR, and excitedly sat down with some popcorn to laugh I found myself utterly bored. And not just bored, I found this movie to have not held up well in the last nine years either. Maybe because a lot of movies have done the same sort of slapstick ridiculousness, or maybe because this was the tale of end of movies doing that, but I was sorely disappointed in the laughs I didn't laugh that I remembered laughing the first time. The bus headed for the "I Love Lucy" convention filled with Lucy's who would act just like Lucille Ball still amused me the most, but as time has gone on, and movies like "Boat Trip" and "Snow Dogs" have happened, I think Cuba Gooding Jr. has lost a lot of the mojo he had going into "Rat Race" and I found him almost unbearable to watch in this.

And poor Breckin Meyers and Amy Smart. Whatever happened to them? I think the 00's swallowed up a bunch of young actors that were supposed to be the next big thing and then spit them out somewhere far from Hollywood. They actually weren't awful to watch, but I had a lot of pity on their careers. And though I won't ruin the ending with who wins the race and the money or what happens to everybody, I will say these two words that happen at the end, two words that may have meant something back in 2001, but today make me wince: Smash. Mouth. Smash Mouth. The entire movie heads up Smash Mouth singing "All Star." Woooooooffffff.

Some parts of this movie, like the "I Love Lucy" bits or Rowan Atkinson's narcolepsy still make laugh, but even the killer line Jon Lovitz's daughter exclaims when she has to poop "I'm prairie dogging it!" - which I have sinced adopted into my own vocabulary - didn't have as much as a punch as it did the first time I saw the movie. Sigh. I wish I loved it as much as I did back then, but maybe I should've relied on those false memories of "Rat Race" instead of rewatching it now and spoiling the romance.


Patrick Approval Rating: 2001 Patrick - 10/10; 2010 Patrick - 5/10


"Rat Race" @ imdb

Review: The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert

This movie's pretty gay. And I say that in the nicest possible way, but it's true. It's about three drag queens who take a trip across Australia to the middle of nowhere, leaving a blazing path of rainbow in their wake. It can't get much gayer than that.

Cult-ish, yes. Campy, hell yes. Funny and touching? Sure, that too. To begin, drag queens have never been an interest of mine, despite playing on onstage once upon a time in 10th grade (for real. I was in drag for "Chicago" in 10th grade high school and I wondered why I faced the hell I faced during those years.) So I've never been really super interested in the drag queen culture, but have an appreciation for the balls it takes to dress up in the garish costumes and perform onstage as one.

1994's "The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert," which I will just call "Priscilla" for the rest of this review for the sake of typing it all out everytime, explores those cojones it takes for these men and trannies to do this - their motivations, their trials they face by the public, and though the movie does have some good messages, it puts them across in a very fun, campy way. The opening credits are over an excellent Hugo Weaving (Agent Smith from "The Matrix") dressed in full drag regalia singing, nay lip-synching to "I've Never Been to Me" which is one of my all time worst-favorite songs, but completely fitting for this film. I knew from that moment I was in for something delightful. The other performances from the band of queens include a wonderfully subtle performance from Terrence Stamp  as Bernadette, the older and wiser tranny who knows how to beat up a guy in a fight and Guy Pierce, who I knew from "Memento" and "LA Confidential" among other things, but never thought he could've pulled off such a flamboyant character as Felicia so well. His was easiest the funniest part in movie with lots of quicky and witty one-liners. The  title comes from the bus the group travels in, who Felicia christens "Priscilla, Queen of the Desert" and the bus soon becomes as much of a character in the movie as the three friends themselves.

I also loved how Australian this film was. You know, because it was made in Australians, by Australians with a very Australian cast so that makes a lot of sense, right? It was an Australian road trip movie, that just happened to feature drag queens. One of the most touching scenes was when the group encountered a band of Aborigines in the Outback and perform "I Will Survive." Whereas every other town Priscilla has stopped in has either shunned, threatened, called names, or even beat up the drag queens, the Aborigines, another minority in Australia who faced persecution and bigotry, accepted the drag queens and even joined into the performance. Where else can you hear a remixed "I Will Survive" complete with didgeridoos and chanting?

The movie is a hoot and holler, so I recommend it highly. It certainly has some flaws as a film, but as a campy cult classic, it works on so many levels - both comically and dramatically. And if you are not too fond of the drag culture, perhaps a movie like this can put a heart and story to the people who perform in drag and make you appreciate their talent.


Patrick Approval Rating: 9/10


"The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert" @ imdb

Review: Fantastic Mr. Fox (DVD)

I had been hesitant to see this movie, only because I loved "Up" a lot, and everybody said this movie rivaled "Up" in it's animated genius, and I didn't want to believe that and the only way to continue believing that was just to simply not see it.


Well curiosity got the best of me and it soon was at the top of my Netflix queue and the postmaster soon delivered it to my too small of a mailbox. Come to find out, I really really really liked this movie. So much as that I thought it did rival "Up" in its genius. Pixar movies always have that special something in them that makes  both the twenty something adult in me love and adore and the little 12 year old inside me squeal and laugh with delight. "Fantastic Mr. Fox" seemed to be aimed at adults. Don't get me wrong, I thought kids could enjoy the caper too as there are enough visual gags and silly business to keep them interested, but I had to shift perspective to see it as a kid. In any one of Pixar's movies the kid and the adult in me find simultaneous joy - "Mr. Fox" just appealed to the slightly cynical and grown up me, which is always why I will put Pixar's movies on a higher level, but I really liked "Fantastic Mr. Fox" for many reasons. Let me tell you some of them...now.


I get a kick out of Wes Anderson's movies. I appreciated "Rushmore," thought "The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou" was quirky and fun, but kind of boring, and I love "The Royal Tenenbaums," which remains one of my favorite movies. He has quite a distinct style to his films, trademarked by his simple framing devices, straight on shots and title cards - I think "quirky," though overused, it really the best way to describe his movies. I can see some people hating it, but I find it amusing. It makes me smile. So I was originally surprised to see that style lend itself so very well to animation, but the more I thought about it, the more sense it made. "Fantastic Mr. Fox" is unlike any other animated movie I've seen, maybe in my life. It was as if it was a real movie, with real people, directed by Wes Anderson, except that instead of real people they're animated animals. I can't describe it, you just have to see it for yourself.  The way the movie looked just kept a smile - maybe even more of an interested smirk on my face  - the entire time.


The voices (provided by the likes of George Clooney as Mr. Fox, Meryl Streep as Mrs. Fox, and Bill Murray as Badger) just added so much to the film, but unlike some movies by other animated companies (say Dreamworks for example - who's reliance on big name movie stars to voice characters that might not necessarily be the best choices but are the biggest names) the big named stars do not overpower their animated counterparts at all. Clooney's soothing, charming voice is perfect for the sly Mr. Fox and I could almost not tell it was Meryl Streep at all, but instead her voice just became the caring wife and mother Mrs. Fox.


And the movie was smart! It was so smart to watch. Things that I know would go right over a kid's head. Like a complicated discussion of the housing market, except as how it applies to holes in the ground as opposed to a tree, with pine trees being way out of Mr. Fox's price range. Or the mid-life crisis Mr. Fox is going through which gives him the itch to get back into a life a crime and how that crisis affects the rest of his family. And the brilliant use of the word "cuss" inserted many many times throughout the movies in the place of vulgar words that would have rated the movie a much higher rating. The first time it happened I thought nothing of it, but the second I went wait a minute. NO WAY! They are totally swearing in this movie! But not really. It's just so...smart! Like I said before, right? For example, a quote:

Mr. Fox: I understand what you're saying, and your comments are valuable, but I'm gonna ignore your advice.

Badger: The cuss you are. 

Mr. Fox: The cuss am I? Are you cussing with me? 

Badger: No, you cussing with me? 

Mr. Fox: Don't cussing point at me! 

Badger: If you're gonna cuss with somebody, you're not gonna cuss with me, you little cuss! 

Mr. Fox: You're not gonna cuss with me! 

I'm not sure how much of the original novel by Roald Dahl is retained in this adaptation by Anderson and co-writer Noah Baumbach, as I may have only read this book once and don't remember it at all, but I'm pretty sure they took a few liberties here and there, but those only add to the resonating power of the movie with today's audiences. The spirit had to have been kept at least, and I'm sure it was as I heard no complaints otherwise. We can add this to the canon of Roald Dahl movies that I love now along with "James and the Giant Peach" and "Matilda." But I'm glad Wes Anderson worked his magic with this one. It could've only enhanced this story.


I just really love animated movies and the power they have to do anything. There are no restrictions on them as they don't require real actors, and your sense of belief is already suspended as you know there is never a real person talking on screen, so it's not like watching an actor act with CGI all over or behind them, and I think the art of creating an entire world - the people in it, the settings, the noises, everything! - the fact it's all created from scratch is a mighty impressive feat to me. Which is why good animation has always been and will always be very special to me.




Patrick Approval Rating: 10/10




"Fantastic Mr. Fox" @ imdb

Revisiting: The Princess and the Frog (DVD)

Shame on you America. Shame shame same. It's a shame more of you didn't see this movie. "The Princess and the Frog" was heralded as Disney's triumphant return to its roots of hand drawn animation, an art form that has all but died, and this was the movie that was going to change that. Well it's a shame that more people did not see this movie,  because it failed to live up to its promise. And not because it wasn't very good, because it was, but because I worry now that it didn't gross 100 billion dollars at the box office when it was released last November that the future of the return of hand drawn animation is in flux.

"The Princess and the Frog" really is quite a fantastic movie. Sure it's not as good as the classic classic Disney films like "Snow White" or "Pinnochio" or the newer second Golden Age films like "The Lion King" or "Beauty and the Beast" but it holds its own among animated films, and is pretty high up on the list of Disney animated features, in my opinion. And it's miles better than some of the animated dreck that has been shoved out by studios the past few years. 

If you don't know Disney and all things Disney hold a special place in my heart, and I can confidently say I'm obsessed with it. So when I heard about this film back when it was called "The Frog Princess" my expectations were high. I knew it was going to be fantastic. And when I saw it in theaters last November, it lived up to all my expectations and then some. I loved the modern fairy tale setting in 1920s jazzy New Orleans, and maybe wish that more of the movie takes place there than in a swamp, but it's all forgiveable. The characters blew me away. I loved the "princess" of the film, Tiana. Voiced by Anika Noni Rose (from "Dreamgirls"!) she is probably the sassiest and rivals Belle as the most flushed out princess of them all. I adored the "prince" Naveen, who is by far the best prince from a Disney film, not counting Aladdin. He had charisma and a personality and wasn't just a lovey dovey sap as other Disney princes are. Supporting characters Louis the trumpet playing alligator and Ray the Cajun firefly also add quite a bit of humor to the movie, and the delightful Mama Odie (which has to be said like MomMA OHdee to be said correctly) is one of the best cameo characters. 

Seeing the film again for the first time on DVD since its theatrical release I loved it just as much. It's beautiful to watch and funny and charming - everything a Disney film should be. I just can't wrap my head around why it didn't do very well in theaters. If only it weren't for those wretched Chipmunks and their lame Squeakqual than maybe "The Princess and the Frog" would've done better. 

Watching this movie on DVD also begins my attempt at watching and reviewing every Disney animated film before their new animated film, "Tangled" comes out this fall. That will be the 50th in their official canon, believe it or not, and I will attempt to revisit all of them including the elusive one I have never actually seen.

Patrick Approval Rating: 10/10

"The Princess and the Frog" @ imdb

Revisiting: Jesus Christ Superstar (DVD)

I have some lame traditions I do every year such as my not so scary Halloween movies in October or my Christmas-y movies during December and "The Nightmare Before Christmas" smushed somewhere in between the two as I still can't figure out what holiday it correlates best with. But one of the easiest traditions, as it doesn't require a full month of dedicating to movies, is watching "Jesus Christ Superstar" at Easter as I can't think of a better way to celebrate the resurrection of Jesus than with a dated rock opera composed by Sir Andrew Lloyd Webber.

Which is not to say I don't love this movie. And maybe I don't love the movie as much as I love the music. Despite being written in the very early 70s (the movie came out in 1973) I think the score holds up very well today - and it's one I know almost all of the words too. So if you're looking for a one man production of "JCS," look no further, I'm your man. I think the first time I was exposed to the show was in middle school in music class where we watched this movie. What makes that all the more intriguing was that I went to a Catholic middle school - so I'm surprised this was allowed seeing how it does take some liberties with the Biblical story, but then again, the school's choir would sing songs from "Sister Act" during masses, so maybe it shouldn't be all that surprising. Well what I'm trying to say is that I love the score from this show,  it's one of my favorites, and so that's why I watch this movie every year during the time of year that Christians celebrate the story.

That all being said, I think the movie is sometimes chilling and beautiful to look at, as it was all filmed on location in Israel, which lends the movie some authenticity that the staged remake from 2000 that was all shot on a soundstage lost - but the original has wayyy too much 1973 in its DNA, which makes the movie very dated. I think the concept of a modern troupe of actors telling the story with a modern rock score in the ancient Middle East and shot on ruins of temples and such is awesome, but the modern in that sense, is the modern from almost 40 years ago. Bright fakey colors, outrageous costumes, and old school special effects (including, but not limited to: too much use of slow motion, freeze framing, and overlapping fades) give the movie a very 1970s quality. Not to mention the song "Could We Start Again Please?" which is shot on a mountain side and looks a lot like the "I'd Like to Buy the World a Coke" commercial from the same era. But I love it all so, and if you take the movie for what it's for, and take in the powerful performances from some great singers it's a good, fun movie and a tradition I'll be keeping for some time.

Happy Easter!


Patrick Approval Rating: 7/10


"Jesus Christ Superstar" @ imdb

Review: Moon (DVD)

It has been a long time since I've actually reviewed a movie on here, and for good reason - it's been a long time since I've actually sat down and watched a movie. Trying to get through all the Oscar movies is a bit of movie overload, so right after it every year I seem to need a post-Oscar movie break, so I just slow down a little on my movie watching, but the Netflix keep coming in and I have a couple of good movies saved on my DVR AND I'm plugging away at watching "Pushing Daisies" at night, and once that's done with, I'll get back to watching more movies.

And this brings me to the movie I watched this afternoon, "Moon." I hadn't heard of "Moon" until I watched the BAFTAs which are Britain's equivalent of the Oscars, and it won the award for Best Debut by a Brit for Director Duncan Jones (who PS is David Bowie's son!) I didn't quite know what to expect but I thought this movie was great.

It was kind of in the same vein as "Alien", with a dash of "District 9", a good portion of "2001: A Space Odyssey" and the tiniest part "The Parent Trap" minus the humor and musical number.  The plot concerns Sam Bell, played by a fantastic Sam Rockwell, who faced quite a challenge with this part and was phenomenal. Anyways, Sam Bell works for Lunar, a company who mines Helium from the Moon and sends it back to Earth, providing 70% of the Earth's power. He is up there all by himself and towards the end of his three year contract with the company. He can't wait to get back to Earth to see his wife and new little girl, until when he's out harvesting and gets in a crash. Suddenly he wakes back up in the infirmary under the care of the station's talking and emoting robot, GERTY, voiced by none other than Kevin Spacey, who nurses Sam back to some sort of health. When Sam heads out to the Harvester he crashed into, he discovers the dying body of none other than himself. I'm not going to give the rest away, but the mystery was enough to intrigue me, and even though I could see what was coming for the most part, I loved the whole "is he going crazy? is this really happening? what is going on?" vibe of the story. In the end, not everything is revealed - you're left to either pick up on the subtle clues or to draw your own conclusions, but the movie doesn't make you think super hard, which I appreciate, especially on a lazy Sunday afternoon.

I really like this psychology approach to science fiction. When most sci-fi recently has been fighting aliens on foreign planets or transforming robots that have wars with each other, there have been refreshing science fiction like "Moon" or "District 9" that go into the psychology of the characters or who offer up messages - it's smart science fiction.

Sam Rockwell was brilliant in this movie. I have maybe only seen him in one or two other movies, and he's always a good actor, but this movie is HIS movie. Literally, the cast only has 10 people in it, and 8 of them are only shown on video monitors for a few minutes combined, and the other 1 is just the voice of a robot. Without giving too much away, Rockwell acts against himself for the majority of the movie (thus "The Parent Trap" similarities) but never once do you think he's not acting with nobody there.

I probably would've never seen this movie if it didn't pique my interest on the BAFTAs but I'm glad I watched it, and now I'm highly recommending it to you too.


Patrick Approval Rating: 9/10


"Moon" @ imdb

Review: Food, Inc. (DVD)

"You'll never look at dinner the same way again."

That's the tagline from this movie. If I knew how true that was I may have never watched it. I always figured, ignorance is bliss and what you don't know, can't hurt you - so if you are going to brave watching "Food, Inc." like I did, I'm going to warn you - that ignorance is going to give way to knowledge and take away all your bliss you get from food, and you will know things that will hurt your heart and change the way you think about all things food until you're old and have Alzheimer's and forget everything. When the time comes, please - let me eat anything I want to, but until then "Food Inc" has caused me to completely change my diet.

I knew what I was getting into with this. I knew documentaries can be pretty powerful and even as the movie berated me with these awful facts about food, I knew I needed to make sure to research the other side to get a balanced view before making any opinions. But when I ended up reading the ingredients, or going to the big company's websites and not reading denials of the awful things they do, but rather them simply stating they do in fact do these things and that they do it for the benefit of us, I was appalled and shocked.

I originally went into this movie wanting to know more about corn syrup, which, as I learned from watching the disappointing "The Informant!" with Matt Damon, is in everything. Literally most food we consume has some corn syrup, or some deviation of corn syrup in it. I'm not exactly sure why other than to put money into big corporation's pockets. I mean really, does orange juice need corn syrup to taste good? What about pasta sauce? Really? So I wanted to know more about this. What I got was also an in depth look at the food industry as a whole, which also includes the huge soy bean farms and of course, the atrocious meat industry. It really digs deep into the industries, providing factual information to prove their point. It's quite a film, and an impressive one if it is able to have the effect it did on me to every viewer, than that's the power of a good film.

I'm not going to use this review as a soap box to stand on to discuss all the things they do in the film. Watch the movie yourself. Or don't. Make a decision to either want to gain the knowledge about the food we eat and be disgusted, or don't watch and eat in happiness enjoying all your favorites. To me, it's a lose - lose. You either become aware and angry or stay blind and happy. I won't blame you for either, but as I begin a change in my life to become a vegetarian and to read the labels of all the food I buy, just know if you watch "Food, Inc." there is no going back.


Patrick Approval Rating: 9/10


"Food, Inc." @ imdb

Review: Every Little Step (DVD)

If you know me you know that I love TV and movies. And even more so, you may know I especially love things on TV or in the movies that concern either Disney or musical theater. So any combination of those four things make me so excited. For example, a TV special about the filming of a Disney musical movie! Not that one of those exists (actually I'm pretty sure there is), but that's just an example.

Regardless, I love Broadway musicals. I'm sort of obsessed with them, with musical cast recordings on loop endlessly in my car (and we're not just talking "Wicked" or "Rent" here people, I go hardcore with "Follies" or classic with "Mame"), nevermind the fact I own many a musical move adaptation on DVD, something I touched on in my review of one of the latest, "Mamma Mia!" One of these movies I own is, unfortunately, "A Chorus Line" which, even though it's one of my all time favorite musicals, it goes into the category of "stage to screen adaptation that never should have been made in the first place." I'm sure I'll be reviewing it down the line, so I won't get into much detail other than I think the movie is just plain awful. It doesn't work, as the entire plot of the show is about an audition that takes place on stage within the two hours time of the show itself, which is all fine and good for a stage show, but boring as all get out for a movie. Haven't seen it? Don't bother, it will give you the wrong impression of a fantastic musical.

"Every Little Step" is a documentary that chronicles the the audition process for the 2006 "A Chorus Line" revival, so that in itself is a pretty meta concept: a movie about auditioning for a show that's about auditioning for a show. The documentarians gained exclusive access to what it's like to audition for Broadway, going into the audition rooms, call backs, final call backs - what the directors saw, what they thought about people, justifications for certain castings, angry actors, ecstatic actors - as a wannabe director myself, I found the whole process and look into it fascinating. I loved watching the people soar (like Jason Tam whose insanely good audition for the emotional character of Paul in the show made the director of the show AND me cry. His AUDITION!) And I cringed watching the people make fools of themselves (thanks Tyce Diorio, of "So You Think You Can Dance" judging fame who made an ass of himself during the audition being all cocky and then especially after he lost the part. As if I couldn't have hated him more after watching him on SYTYCD, but I do.)

I found myself caring for these actors, wanting them to get the part. They highlighted certain actors or actresses and kind of created character arcs for each of them in the documentary, with only one being able to triumph in the end. The doc follows the same themes of the musical, these dancers give it there all to the audition process - while we get to learn more about them, giving these faceless actors a story, and you care for them because you find out they might not be just another actor. They are a person with dreams, and it all hinges on this one audition. But whereas "A Chorus Line" is a musical, and not real, "Every Little Step" is real, with real people in a very real situation. It transcends the meaning of the show to a whole new level.

The doc also gives us insight to the creation of the musical itself, famously workshopped in New York, and based on the lives of real dancers who recorded their stories on tape with conceiver and director Michael Bennett in 1974. With clips from that audio tape, rare footage of Michael Bennett discussing the concept AND the original Broadway cast staging, interwoven through the film it makes this movie a truly extra special treat for fans of "A Chorus Line" and anybody who loves musical theater. I really just adored this movie, and think it's a must for any musical, Broadway, or theater geek like myself.


Patrick Approval Rating: 10/10


"Every Little Step" @ imdb

Review: Network (DVD)

One of the reasons I got Netflix last year was to catch up on a list movies I should have seen as a movie fan, but haven't yet. So my queue is filled with new and future releases as well as some old classic films, films like 1976's "Network." I knew little about "Network" other than it starred William Holden (who is in one of my favorite classics, "Sunset Blvd.") and Faye Dunaway ( knowing it won a couple of Oscars, most notably a posthumous one for Peter Finch, and that is was way ahead of its time and speaks volumes about todays TV networks.

I know I personally have a lot of issues with the majority of the movies released during the late 1960s/1970s for some reason. I don't know if it was the type of film they used back then, or the style of cinematography, but I don't like the way a lot of them look. Prior to this period, the movies are all in technicolor wonderfulness and somewhere in the early 80s they changed things, but these movies released in the 70s look and often feel very dated to me. "Network" swings both ways here.

Though the film may look dated in certain places, it certainly doesn't feel like it is. The story is surprisingly very relevant to today, with our current TV culture of 24/7 network news stations that sometimes make up news to make news (Balloon Boy 2009 anybody?) or where shows that are based in "reality" are not really "reality" and destroy the show's targets (see the self-destruction of Jon and Kate's marriage because of their fame.) At times I couldn't believe the movie was written in the 70s. So either writer Paddy Chayefsky was psychic OR real TV network execs saw this movie and decided it would be a good idea to everything that the movie was saying wrong.

The network referred to in "Network" is the fourth place, ratings challenged, and floundering UBS, who's evening news is the lowest rated show and so they decide to fire the current news anchor, Howard Beale (played by an intensely crazy Peter Finch, who infamously died between the filming of the movie and winning his Oscar for it.) So Beale goes on a bender on how sucky life is and ends up telling everybody in America over the news that he is going to kill himself on air and to get off their couches, go out to window and scream "I'm mad as hell and I'm not going to take it anymore!" So they do because he speaks to the inner anguish of the viewers, and so a man with a serious mental problem ends up becoming a national superstar and saves the UBS Network. Some other key players include a wonderfully ruthless, young, you-know-what executive played by Faye Dunaway who also won an Oscar for this part. It's so nice to see her be subtle because the last movie I watched her in was "Mommie Dearest" and that's anything but subtle. Her character is the one who capitalizes on Beale's insanity. William Holden, who got SO old between making this movie and "Sunset Blvd" plays the voice of reason at the network and doesn't like what is happening with Beale. And then the crazy-ass ending where everything goes just a bit too far and the executives decide to kill Beale on the air, and I was kind of left in shock, just because it shows how far people will go for ratings or for entertainment. Here's an example from a couple years ago: Anna Nicole Smith. Someone with serious issues, exploited for TV, and she ends up dead. How this movie know this sort of stuff would happen?!

The plot is way more complicated than what I typed out, and I admit some of the dialogue went WAY over my head, but I did like this movie. The performances of the entire cast really made it awesome. Perhaps not as one of the greatest movies ever made, as it's been called, but I did think it's a very good classic, and an important film.


Patrick Approval Rating: 8/10

"Network" @ imdb

Review: Alice in Wonderland (Theatrical)

I'll start this review off discussing my stance on this 3-D craze that has attacked movie theaters (and America's wallets) as of late. I want to remind everybody of the 50s, during a time that I feel like everybody has forgotten, when all movies seemed to be in 3-D. Not that I was alive back then, but doesn't anybody remember those pictures of conservative 1950s audiences wearing 3-D glasses at the movies and being shocked at the giant bugs popping off the screen? Remember how the movie version of "Kiss Me Kate" was awkwardly in 3-D? And remember how that fad ended? And remember that it became a joke or theme park novelty (thanks Muppet Vision!)? So then why is it a big deal all of a sudden again? Sure I appreciate the novelty of 3-D, but I'm just waiting for this to all blow over in a couple of years. I don't particularly like it or think that it even adds anything to a movie and it hurts my eyes when things move around the screen quickly. The true test for me is when I see "Avatar" on DVD. Whereas I thought the 3-D aided that movie in placing the audience in a completely different world, I feel like now it's just being thrown on any movie, and that bothers me.

I could have liked "Alice in Wonderland" in 2-D, I'm sure. Perhaps I would have liked it even more than I did, as I felt like it was a generally blah movie altogether. I definitely feel like it didn't add anything to the story or the movie going experience except for having all the kids in the theater comment on how they could touch everything. Which also brings me to the awful movie going experience we had seeing this. I couldn't believe the young children who came, never mind the idiot family who showed up (a group of like 7, in a sold out showing) five minutes before the movie started, WITH A BALLOON AND AN INFANT. WHYYYYY. That angered me so much. So the balloon waved in the corner and the baby cried a lot and then I punched them all in the face.

OK, so back to the movie itself. I couldn't believe it was a Tim Burton movie, because it lacked a lot of...something. Creativity? It just seemed like a watered down Burton, or a commercialized Burton. Which I guess it was. A Disney-fied Tim Burton. Maybe he's lost the knack he was known for - that quirky off beat dark movies that actually had some heart and imagination. This movie seemed like it was just created in the vein of his other movies, to make someone some money because they knew Tim Burton and Wonderland would be a good match. Sure the movie looked like a Burton film, with the twisted greenery and the pale complexions and the general lack of eyebrows (except Anne Hathaway's White Queen) but maybe it just didn't live up to the expectations I had for what the movie could've been.

I thought the plot was way too contrived, with Alice going back to Wonderland and everybody there kept telling her she has been brought back to save them but she keeps denying this saying "they've got the wrong Alice" for no reason except to make the plot longer until Alice realizes she is that Alice. Le duh. I even found Johnny Depp to be oddly disappointing. I wanted him to be more...well, a tad more "mad" as the Mad Hatter and especially as compared to his cartoon counterpart he was kind of boring. And let's talk about the awkward hip hop dance he does which seems totally incongruous to the rest of the movie, but it's as if Depp said "I want to do a crazy dance at the end" and everybody was like, "You're Johnny Depp. Do what you want." I am not sure what the kid sitting next to me said when the dance started, but I choose to believe he did say "Hella Awkward." Which it was.

Maybe it was all the CGI of the movie that let me down a little. I didn't think it would bother me, and it kind of threw me back to the brilliant sequences of "Mary Poppins" or "Bedknobs and Broomsticks" with the live action characters cohabitating with animated characters on screen. But whereas those movies made those scenes feel magical, "Alice" left me with the sense of the CGI being a copout. It might as well has been an entirely animated movie. Oh wait, didn't that already happen once in 1951? And even though that "Alice in Wonderland" may not be one of my all time favorite Disney movies (it's still one of the best, but just not one of the top 10 favorites), this "Alice in Wonderland" pales in comparison.

I just think this was a case of a movie not living up to the expectations I had going into it because of the movie's premise, concept, director and cast. "Alice" should have been everything I thought it would've been, but it wasn't. I was entertained, sure, but I was also bored, unimpressed, and wished it wasn't in 3-D.

Please stop the 3-D trend. K-thanks.

Patrick Approval Rating: 6/10

"Alice in Wonderland" @ imdb

Snap Judgement: Oscars 2010

So they've come and gone. Thank goodness that's over. The Oscars are done, at least for now. I got asked a lot today "What did I think?" "Was I happy with who won?" And my answer: Meh. I couldn't feel any more ambivalent towards last night's show. Overall I enjoyed it. I thought Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin were hysterical during the opening monologue, especially the joke that for their film debut, both Steve Martin and Gabourey Sidibe from Precious were born as poor black children. CLASSIC. And the note that Meryl Streep collects Hitler memorabilia. Because I know she does.

The show movie along at a fairly brisk pace, thanks to quick acceptance speeches, a very quick Death Montage of Applause-o-Meter which left out the likes of Bea Arthur and Farrah Fawcett, but left in Michael Jackson? Mmmkay. I thought the dance piece set to the Best Score nominees was a good idea and concept, and looked cool, but felt out of place at the Oscars, and the montage dedicated to Horror films seemed liked a random way to include "Twilight" and a couple other not-so-scary movies. The entire ceremony also lacked the element of surprise, with whoever was the front-runner going into the ceremony, winning the award. Where's the fun in that? I was totally hoping Gabourey Sidibe would beat both Sandra and Meryl because she had the most impressive performance for a debut this year, and she freakin' rocks. She's so sassy, and she looked fierce. But, IMO, she won anyways when Oprah told her how much she loved her on the stage of the Oscars and she started crying. Adorably cute. Plus her mom was there, and she was so into Steve Martin.

I wasn't super successful in predicting who would win. 13/23 correct. But not that it even matters, after all, the awards go to the most deserving career-wise (see Sandra Bullock, Jeff Bridges) or to the movie that has the most momentum going into the broadcast (i.e. "The Hurt Locker") and not necessarily to whatever actor gave an amazing performance or to the movie that is the best all around film of the year. Though, I am OK with "The Hurt Locker" winning. It was a very good movie. I liked it. It was suspenseful, but it wasn't my favorite, nor was it my pick to win. Everybody has different ideas of what's good though, and in the end, the movie that wins the most Oscars doesn't make it the best.

So it's all done. I look forward to next year, where I'll try to see all the nominees again. Because even though the whole thing is a big spectacle and I tend to disagree with a lot of it, I get to see some awesome movies that I might not otherwise be able to see. Thanks Oscars. Now come the summer blockbusters.

Special: If I Voted for the Oscars

I don't vote for the Oscars. As if you didn't know that. I will probably never vote for the Oscars, though I  wish someday I might have the career to allow me to do that. Plus I don't necessarily agree with all they have to stand for. I read a really good article from New York magazine (read it here) describing how the Oscars work, and how rather than giving the award to the "Best" they often give it to who would create the "Best Story Arc" or who's career deserves the award, rather than who actually was the best actor or actress. It's all part of the Hollywood schlitz and glitz, and even though I might not agree with it, it's how it works. So for tonight's event, I'm going to say who I would've picked. Not who I think is going to win, and not even a will win/should win thing. Who I would've voted for the big awards, if I picked soley based on what I saw and watched. 

BEST PICTURE:

"Avatar"

For me, this was the best movie going experience of the year. Maybe it's not the best film I saw (that would have to be either "Up" or "Precious") but it was the best film I watched that took me away to another place. I go to movies to get taken away and to forget about being in a movie theater, and for the three hours of "Avatar" I was on another planet, totally absorbed into what was happening. Best Picture of the year for sure. And I would also probably vote for James Cameron as Best Director too, for having the vision to do what he did here.





BEST ACTOR:
Colin Firth "A Single Man"

The most moving performance of the year. He was in every single scene, every moment, and he was always present in the heartbreak and pain the character was feeling. Just seeing him in "Mamma Mia!" and then this? Complete difference.



BEST ACTRESS:
Gabourey Sidibe "Precious"

This was her first movie? Ridiculous. I would've never guessed if I hadn't known. And to see her in real life, and how buoyant and bubbly and total opposite from Precious she is, she is a real actress.






BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR:
Chrisoph Waltz "Inglouorious Basterds"

Terrifying and vicious, and gentle and funny. Waltz was crazy good in this movie. He brought a completely new take to the role of a villainous Nazi.






BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS:

Mo'Nique "Precious"

I remember watching Mo'Nique on Showtime at the Apollo. Never did I think she had it in her to portray a role like this. Phenomenal.

Review: Inglourious Basterds (DVD)

Finally I've finally seen all of the Best Picture nominees! I didn't succeed in seeing all nominated actor and actresses this year, but I saw more than I thought I would, and I set my goal for only seeing the Best Picture nominees this year, so I'm proud of myself nontheless.

And here it is, the final movie I had to see, Quentin Tarantino's "Inglourious Basterds." So sue me, I'm not a gigantic fan of Tarantino. At least I never thought I was. I hadn't (and still haven't) seen a majority of his movies, with the only exception being "Death Proof" from "Grindhouse," and even that, though I like it, isn't my favorite of the two "Grindhouse" movies. So maybe it's not that I'm not a huge fan, but rather I hadn't given him a chance. Like at all. I assumed I wouldn't like his movies, so I never bothered to see them. I wrote them off as being too violent - which they are - but the violence is done with a smirk. It's not a bang bang shoot them all up and drive in fast cars with guns movie, it's an artfully done violence that kind of makes me smile. I can't describe it.

I've read other critics say that Tarantino purposefully makes you laugh during his movies in places that aren't really supposed to be funny. Like after a Nazi gets his head beaten in with a baseball bat! In real life, not that funny. But in "Basterds" I chuckled. I laughed at being uncomfortable at Christoph Waltz's terrifyingly hilarious Nazi, the "Jew Hunter." Especially the opening scene where he confronts a French farmer who had been hiding Jews under his floorboards. The Jew Hunter was an awful, terrible person - but that barely showed through the cracks of a gentle demeanor, unless he let it flourish, then he was truly scary. No doubt he will win Best Supporting Actor - and he should! He kind of held the whole movie together.

I'm going to try to make it a point this year to see the rest of Tarantino's movies. He has a unique style, kind of a throwback to the 70s, with a modern sensibility. I take it as he's a pretty fearless filmmaker. A couple examples: 1) He does things like direct a period history drama and it looks like everything is period accurate, but then uses a David Bowie song as background music before the climax. Or 2) He has the balls to rewrite WWII and almost create an American fairy tale story where everything turns out perfect. Well, except for the fact that SPOILER ALERT: barely any characters survive.

So I guess I do like his films, and should Netflix them because I really liked "Basterds." A lot. I rented it on iTunes (which was an adventure in itself, I had never done that before, but it's pretty nifty) and watched it in one sitting, totally enthralled. I don't think I even paused it to go to the potty!

Patrick Approval Rating: 10/10

"Inglourious Basterds" @ imdb

Revisiting: Mamma Mia! (DVD)

I figured it was aboot time I reviewed a musical on here. And I say aboot in honor of the Olympics, which ended last night, and consumed much of my last two weeks' time. I'm sad they're done because I'm so obsessed with anything Olympical and I feel like something momentous is happening while they occur, and then a sense of emptiness when they're gone. Another year and half until the next ones. And maybe I'll be attending them? We'll see.

TANGENT OVER. I don't know why I went there, but I did, and now I'm going to revisit "Mamma Mia!" one of the products of the recent movie musical resurgence. Thanks "Moulin Rouge!" I do own this movie on DVD, thanks to my brother getting it for me this past Christmas. I've collected all major movie musicals on DVD since "Moulin Rouge!" because I do love them all, even the bad ones in their own way.  So it was only natural I got "Mamma Mia!" for my movie musical collection.

I'm kind of embarrassed to say I saw this movie twice in theaters. Yep. The first time I thought it was AWFUL. It was a campy piece of dreck. I thought it started out with potential, and then during the song "Money Money Money" when Meryl Streep rises from her seat at the table into the path of a wind machine and fantasizes herself singing the rest of the song in slow motion on a boat, it lost me. 4 realz. I was like, OK, this movie just jumped the shark ten minutes in and my attitude for the rest of the film was spoiled.

Then I saw it again, knowing how campy and bad it was, and accepted it, and let go of the bad, and then, from somewhere deep inside my soul, a gay little sparkle of enjoyment sparkled its sparkly dance and I started to have fun. Watching Meryl Streep let completely loose is such a thrill to watch, and even though some of the singing (and not so much the actual singing as the lipsynching to the bad singing) of Pierce Brosnan is horrendous, I can get through the entire movie and have fun. I've subsequently seen the film two more times after I watched it in theaters, and it grows on me more and more.

By no means is it perfect. The first time film director, Phyllida Lloyd, who also directed the stage incarnation, tries her best to direct a movie, but she is obviously a first timer, and fails to do a lot of things good directors should do. Just certain shots bothered me and seemed amateur-ish and there is way too much slow motion, which actually made me guffaw a couple of times because when the slow motion is used to make something dramatic it actually makes the actors look a little...slow. And not in the speedy sense of the word.

So it's a movie to watch, to not take seriously, and thus to enjoy. Plus the music of ABBA is so darn infectious and catchy you'll be your own "Dancing Queen" for the rest of the day.

Patrick Approval Rating: 6/10

"Mamma Mia!" @ imdb

Review: A Serious Man (DVD)

If you haven't seen a Coen Brothers movie, i.e. "Fargo," "Big Lebowski," or "No Country For Old Men," you're missing on out two absurd ridiculous filmmakers who tend to puzzle audiences into loving their movies. At least that's how I feel about the brotherly directing team. "A Serious Man" is their latest whopdinger of a movie, nominated for Best Picture at the Oscars (happening THIS WEEK! Woof.) so I had to see this one before the big day.

I felt about this movie as I felt about "No Country for Old Men." As it starts I'm all - WHA? Idunngittit. And then I fall asleep. Seriously. I was bored and didn't get it and was also tired, so I fell asleep. When I woke up, I thought about giving it a second chance, and resentfully I do- but only because it's nominated for Best Picture. And then once the first 45 minutes/hour pass and the weird settles into my mind and I just succumb to the movie, I end up liking it (in the case of "Serious Man") or loving it (in the case of "No Country.")

I feel like I could've liked or understood the movie so much more if I was Jewish, or even a Christian who was familiar with the Bible, but I'm neither of those so a lot of the biblical parallels and Jewish in jokes that were apparently in the movie went right over my head. "A Serious Man" was like an ode to Judaism and the race and habits and even stereotypes. I found some parts hysterical, other parts awful and morbid - I guess the Coen Brothers really understand and embrace the meaning of dark comedy. This poor tortured soul, Larry, played by Michael Stuhlberg, is suffering one plague of misfortune after another and he tries to understand why it is happening to him. He is a physics professor, so perhaps there is a mathematical way to understand it all, or perhaps it is God punishing him.

I'm keeping this review short and tidy because of all the Best Picture nominees I've seen (which is 9/10 at this point) it's my least favorite. I'm going to give it an approval rating higher than "The Blind Side" because I think this is a better movie all around with better performances and a lot of thought put into every moment, but when I watch a movie I like to understand it, and it to not go over my head, whereas that's something the Coen brothers always seem to strive for. To puzzle their audience so only the savvy and genius can understand it.


Patrick Approval Rating: 6/10


"A Serious Man" @ imdb

All Time Favorites: A League of Their Own

I've decided to slowly but surely attack some of my all time favorite movies on this blog to give the four readers a true taste of what movies I love and adore in a longer format with videos and quotes and all sorts of goodies. I know you're all wicked excited for this so let's get started. Why not start with a movie that's been a favorite of mine for a long time? In fact, I don't remember the first time I saw this movie I saw it so long ago. "A League of Their Own" was released way back in the olden days of 1992 when I had tracks shaved into my hair and wore big pants with elastic at the waist and ankles. How is this any different from today?

There are not many movies I can watch over and over and over again and still like them, let alone laugh at them, but "A League of Their Own" is one of those movies. Unlike the schlock her brother Gary directs, Penny Marshall is able to create a film here that not only looks appropriate for time period the film is set in (1940) as well as features contemporary humor, but has somehow created a film that doesn't appear to look dated by today's standards and still hold up in the funny department. To me, Marla Hooch is one the funniest characters in a movie I've ever seen. Kudos to actress Megan Cavanagh to creating a classic, homely as all get out character that makes me howl with laughter with her drunk rendition of "It Had to Be You" or her awkward shuffling/dancing in the mandatory etiquette classes all the girls have to take.

Though Cavanagh nearly steals the film for me, the entire cast is terrific. I can't believe Tom Hanks did this movie, "Philadelphia," and "Forrest Gump" in a row. Could he have taken three more different parts in a row? Not possible. His pissing scene in this is classic - never mind when he delivers the now infamous "There's no crying in baseball!" line. Perfection. And then there's Madonna! Can you believe Madonna is good in this movie? I am fan of her music for sure but as an actress she is much more of a miss than a hit. Tolerable and impressive in "Evita" sure, but she seems to shine in "A League of Their Own" in a supporting role as All the Way Mae. She should have taken more parts like this one. Rosie O'Donnell stars as Mae's best friend, Doris, and I think this movie might have been my first exposure to Rosie. She delivers some classic one liners in her Rosie fashion, and her and Madonna are a joy to watch together.

Geena Davis and Lori Petty are Dottie and Kit, respectively, and for those who haven't seen the movie, the characters whom the story follows for the most part. They are playing in a local women's league and working on their family farm when a scout (played by a hysterical Jon Lovitz who zings one zinger after another in this) shows up and recruits them for the new All American Girl Professional Baseball League. They of course, are accepted to the Rockford Peaches and go on a sisterly journey through one tumultuous season of baseball. The plot moves at a brisk pace, with no dull spots, and the baseball scenes are a thrill to watch. And even though as a youngster the ending of the movie always bothered me because (SPOILER ALERT) I wanted the Rockford Peaches to win the series, and they don't, but looking back on it now, I think it sets up for the perfect happy ending. Sidenote, how did they possibly cast a woman who looks so much like an older Geena Davis to play Old Dottie? It may be the best Old Person to Young Person casting I've ever seen in a movie. So much so, as a kid I thought it was Geena Davis in makeup. To make that more confusing to me though, they did dub the actress's voice with Geena Davis', so if nothing else it sounds just like her (because it is her!)

Old Geena Davis? Nope. Different actress, same voice, confusing children for 18 years.

Watching the movie just brings me total joy. It brings back memories from my youth playing baseball and how bad I was even though I liked playing it as well as memories of watching the movie with my brother and endlessly quoting it. Speaking of, here are some of my favorite quotes from the movie:


QUOTES:


Ernie Capadino: (to a salesman) You know, if I had your job, I'd kill myself! Wait here, I'll see if I can dig up a pistol. 

(Ernie seeing Dottie and Kit vigorously milking cows)
Ernie Capadino: Ow. Doesn't that hurt them? 
Dottie Hinson: Doesn't seem to. 
Ernie Capadino: Well, it would bruise the hell out of me. 
Dottie Hinson: Can I help you with something? 
Ernie Capadino: I'm Ernie Capadino. I'm a baseball scout. I saw you playing today. Not bad, not bad. You ever heard of Walter Harvey, makes Harvey bars - you know, the candy? 
Dottie Hinson: Yeah. We feed them to the cows when they're constipated. 
Ernie Capadino: That's the guy. He's starting a girls' baseball league, so he can make a buck while the boys are overseas. Wanna play? 
Dottie Hinson: Huh? 
Ernie Capadino: Nice retort. Tryouts are in Chicago. It's a real league, professional. 
Kit Keller: Professional - baseball? 
Ernie Capadino: Mmm-hmm. They'll pay you 75 dollars a week. 
Kit Keller: We only make 30 at the dairy. 
Ernie Capadino: Well then, this would be more, wouldn't it? 

Jimmy Dugan: Are you crying? Are you crying? ARE YOU CRYING? There's no crying! THERE'S NO CRYING IN BASEBALL! 















Mae Mordabito: What if at a key moment in the game my, my uniform bursts open and, uh, oops!, my bosoms come flying out? That, that might draw a crowd, right? 
Doris Murphy: You think there are men in this country who ain't seen your bosoms? 




(Mae is in confession; a thud is heard)
Doris Murphy: It's the second time he dropped that Bible since she's been in.
(Mae comes out, reverend looks shocked)
Doris Murphy: Mae. What did you say? 
Mae Mordabito: Everything. 




Charm School assistant: (The charm school teachers are inspecting each of the girls and they come to dowdy Marla Hooch.) What do you suggest? 
Charm School instructor: (repulsed) A lot of night games. 

One of my favorite moments and endlessly quotable lines in the movie. "Oh piss on your hat!"

The movie's anthem. Penned by Betty Spaghetti. Thanks girl!

Visit "A League of Their Own" at imdb.

Review: The Blind Side (Theatrical)

This movie is nominated for Best Picture?... Really?...Really.

When I first saw the trailer for this film attached to some movie I saw last summer, or fall, or whenever - regardless, I scoffed. I thought "What a sentimental piece of dreck!" And I continuously scoffed at it until it opened and it turned out to be a huge hit. And even as it played in theaters, I scoffed at it and vowed I would never see this movie because it looked cheesy and stupid. And after it started picking up steam and awards talk happened, I thought...really? This movie? And I scoffed some more. Then as it was shockingly nominated for Best Picture, I reluctantly thought "Well now I guess I have to see it. Maybe on DVD." And here we are, roughly three months since it's original release and I ventured to the theater to see the movie. THE MOVIE THEATER?! HOW IS IT STILL PLAYING!? THIS MOVIE?! SERIOUSLY?! HANABHBBJAHjnqskjnauyBIN.

Turns out, it was everything I dreamed it would be. Super sentimental, cheesy, eye rolling worthy - and yet I still enjoyed it. I enjoyed it in a way I thought maybe sometime, five years down the road I could rent a movie like this and curl up on my sofa and watch it at home and I may enjoy it. I don't understand why the audience we saw this with LOVED IT! I'm pretty sure the woman behind me was crying at the end, and the black couple in front of me were riotous throughout. The movie was entirely predictable with a story that seemed to go nowhere until a forced conflict appeared in the last 15 minutes of the movie that gets resolved as quickly as it comes on.

Sandra Bullock was nothing special. I hate saying that because I like her a lot, but to think she's the front runner to win Best Actress for a film released in the year of 2009 above all other actresses in all other movies for THIS MOVIE?!  WHY! Don't get me wrong, she was hugely entertaining in "The Proposal" and I loved her in it, so what if in this movie she's kind of serious for maybe a combined four minutes total when she tears up a little bit on screen. Hand the lady an award, please. Meanwhile Meryl Streep is tackling some very big (no pun intended) shoes with Julia Child and Gabby Sidibe is dealing with issues no person should ever deal with as Clarice Precious Jones, so I'm sorry Sandra Bullock, you don't deserve to win for this movie. Not this year. Comic actors have done the drama route before and it's been marvelous for some (Jim Carrey in "Eternal Sunshine" for instance) but "The Blind Side" does not do you justice.

And I haven't even began to discuss the craptastic message of the film. I assume it was meant to be one of hope and inspiration, a twisted Cinderella tale- boy ripped from the streets and becomes successful NFL player. But to me it played as "poor black boy saved from the dirges of his social position thanks to a nice white Christian lady, because poor black boys can only be saved by white ladies and their families, and especially if those families are Christians, because only Christians do good things." I didn't realize there would be religious undertones or overtones, let alone as prevalent as they were featured. Did a mega-church help fund this movie or something? The cross Sandra Bullock wore around her neck seemed to gleam every time her character did a good deed. And I'm not dissing religious people, or Christians, because to each their own, and it's cool and all, but when a movie appears to be about a woman who only does good in her life because she's Christian and that's what they do, rather than doing good because that need comes from deep within her, well I kinda get irked. It's not to say the woman Bullock is portraying wasn't a good person deep down and that's where the need came from to help poor Michael, but the Christian philosophy was continually shoved in the audience's faces and I didn't think it was a good enough justification of character.

I compare this movie to "Precious," a movie I adored, which is roughly about the same thing (poor black teenager overcomes their home roots to triumph) but whereas Precious found her inner strength from a place deep inside her, Michael finds his inner strength...well...he never actually seems to find it. He finds a way to smile a little bit more only because these white people have been so kind to him. That's not a well deserved payoff of a character's triumph, it's a movie called "The Blind Side." Woof.


Patrick Approval Rating: 5/10


The Blind Side @ imdb

Revisiting: The Princess Diaries and The Princess Diaries 2

Remember how I told y'all about when I need to fall asleep at night I watch comforting movies to help lure to me sleepy-land. Well here's one of my biggest guilty pleasures that I tend to watch on a yearly basis to help me go to sleep at night: "The Princess Diaries."

I very clearly remember seeing this movie way back in 2001. Woof. This movie is nine years old! Anne Hathaway, look at you now! My grandmother took me and my brothers and though I thought the movie looked funny from the trailers, I thought it was HEH-larious in the theaters. Even though it's wicked schlock-y and Gary Marshall directs all his movies like they're a bad sitcom from the 1950s with awkward gags, Anne Hathaway gives the role of Princess Mia Thermopolis her all and makes it work! Some of her stupid pratfalls and ridiculous comments still hold up today. But the rest of the movie kind of falls flat and feels very 2001. Erik Von Detten? What have you done since this came out? Celebrity Mole? I thought so. Mandy Moore, stop being all bratty and stupid and singing a ridiculous uber-pop "Stupid Cupid" on a beach. Nobody cares about you. Nevermind one of the most awkward to look at actresses to star in TV and film, Heather Matarazzo.

Terrifying.

The saving grace of these movies is Dame Julie Andrews. Sidenote: Is she a dame? If not, she should be. She grants us the gift of her presence in both "The Princess Diaries" and "The Princess Diaries 2: A Royal Engagement" (the second being released in 2004) and does her best to muddle though the schlock, making the movies watchable and rewatchable. For every awful scene with Mandy Moore (in #1) or Raven (in #2) there is an excellent scene with Julie Andrews and that makes it all better. She makes every movie she's in practically perfect and these are no exceptions.

Of course, the first movie is endlessly better than the second one and I almost wish the second one hadn't been made. The jokes are better in the first, the plot is wayy lame in the 2nd, and even though #2 features Chris Pine as a future Captain Kirk and a young thumb sucking Abigail Breslin (in one of the lamest parts of the movie as Princess Mia takes the stupid children from the orphanage and makes them walk in a parade with her) - the cast can't seem to get past the even worse jokes and gags and ridiculous plot devices and stupid characters that penetrate the humor of the movie.

So give me a good old "Princess Diaries" any day. I don't care. It cheers me up. It makes me happy. We're all entitled to those guilty pleasures. And so be it if I love Anne Hathaway and Julie Andrews. I'm just glad they never made a third one.

Patrick Approval Rating:

The Princess Diaries: 7/10

The Princess Diaries 2- A Royal Engagement: 4/10

The Princess Diaries @ imdb

The Princess Diaries 2- A Royal Engagement @ imdb