Review: A Serious Man (DVD)

If you haven't seen a Coen Brothers movie, i.e. "Fargo," "Big Lebowski," or "No Country For Old Men," you're missing on out two absurd ridiculous filmmakers who tend to puzzle audiences into loving their movies. At least that's how I feel about the brotherly directing team. "A Serious Man" is their latest whopdinger of a movie, nominated for Best Picture at the Oscars (happening THIS WEEK! Woof.) so I had to see this one before the big day.

I felt about this movie as I felt about "No Country for Old Men." As it starts I'm all - WHA? Idunngittit. And then I fall asleep. Seriously. I was bored and didn't get it and was also tired, so I fell asleep. When I woke up, I thought about giving it a second chance, and resentfully I do- but only because it's nominated for Best Picture. And then once the first 45 minutes/hour pass and the weird settles into my mind and I just succumb to the movie, I end up liking it (in the case of "Serious Man") or loving it (in the case of "No Country.")

I feel like I could've liked or understood the movie so much more if I was Jewish, or even a Christian who was familiar with the Bible, but I'm neither of those so a lot of the biblical parallels and Jewish in jokes that were apparently in the movie went right over my head. "A Serious Man" was like an ode to Judaism and the race and habits and even stereotypes. I found some parts hysterical, other parts awful and morbid - I guess the Coen Brothers really understand and embrace the meaning of dark comedy. This poor tortured soul, Larry, played by Michael Stuhlberg, is suffering one plague of misfortune after another and he tries to understand why it is happening to him. He is a physics professor, so perhaps there is a mathematical way to understand it all, or perhaps it is God punishing him.

I'm keeping this review short and tidy because of all the Best Picture nominees I've seen (which is 9/10 at this point) it's my least favorite. I'm going to give it an approval rating higher than "The Blind Side" because I think this is a better movie all around with better performances and a lot of thought put into every moment, but when I watch a movie I like to understand it, and it to not go over my head, whereas that's something the Coen brothers always seem to strive for. To puzzle their audience so only the savvy and genius can understand it.


Patrick Approval Rating: 6/10


"A Serious Man" @ imdb

All Time Favorites: A League of Their Own

I've decided to slowly but surely attack some of my all time favorite movies on this blog to give the four readers a true taste of what movies I love and adore in a longer format with videos and quotes and all sorts of goodies. I know you're all wicked excited for this so let's get started. Why not start with a movie that's been a favorite of mine for a long time? In fact, I don't remember the first time I saw this movie I saw it so long ago. "A League of Their Own" was released way back in the olden days of 1992 when I had tracks shaved into my hair and wore big pants with elastic at the waist and ankles. How is this any different from today?

There are not many movies I can watch over and over and over again and still like them, let alone laugh at them, but "A League of Their Own" is one of those movies. Unlike the schlock her brother Gary directs, Penny Marshall is able to create a film here that not only looks appropriate for time period the film is set in (1940) as well as features contemporary humor, but has somehow created a film that doesn't appear to look dated by today's standards and still hold up in the funny department. To me, Marla Hooch is one the funniest characters in a movie I've ever seen. Kudos to actress Megan Cavanagh to creating a classic, homely as all get out character that makes me howl with laughter with her drunk rendition of "It Had to Be You" or her awkward shuffling/dancing in the mandatory etiquette classes all the girls have to take.

Though Cavanagh nearly steals the film for me, the entire cast is terrific. I can't believe Tom Hanks did this movie, "Philadelphia," and "Forrest Gump" in a row. Could he have taken three more different parts in a row? Not possible. His pissing scene in this is classic - never mind when he delivers the now infamous "There's no crying in baseball!" line. Perfection. And then there's Madonna! Can you believe Madonna is good in this movie? I am fan of her music for sure but as an actress she is much more of a miss than a hit. Tolerable and impressive in "Evita" sure, but she seems to shine in "A League of Their Own" in a supporting role as All the Way Mae. She should have taken more parts like this one. Rosie O'Donnell stars as Mae's best friend, Doris, and I think this movie might have been my first exposure to Rosie. She delivers some classic one liners in her Rosie fashion, and her and Madonna are a joy to watch together.

Geena Davis and Lori Petty are Dottie and Kit, respectively, and for those who haven't seen the movie, the characters whom the story follows for the most part. They are playing in a local women's league and working on their family farm when a scout (played by a hysterical Jon Lovitz who zings one zinger after another in this) shows up and recruits them for the new All American Girl Professional Baseball League. They of course, are accepted to the Rockford Peaches and go on a sisterly journey through one tumultuous season of baseball. The plot moves at a brisk pace, with no dull spots, and the baseball scenes are a thrill to watch. And even though as a youngster the ending of the movie always bothered me because (SPOILER ALERT) I wanted the Rockford Peaches to win the series, and they don't, but looking back on it now, I think it sets up for the perfect happy ending. Sidenote, how did they possibly cast a woman who looks so much like an older Geena Davis to play Old Dottie? It may be the best Old Person to Young Person casting I've ever seen in a movie. So much so, as a kid I thought it was Geena Davis in makeup. To make that more confusing to me though, they did dub the actress's voice with Geena Davis', so if nothing else it sounds just like her (because it is her!)

Old Geena Davis? Nope. Different actress, same voice, confusing children for 18 years.

Watching the movie just brings me total joy. It brings back memories from my youth playing baseball and how bad I was even though I liked playing it as well as memories of watching the movie with my brother and endlessly quoting it. Speaking of, here are some of my favorite quotes from the movie:


QUOTES:


Ernie Capadino: (to a salesman) You know, if I had your job, I'd kill myself! Wait here, I'll see if I can dig up a pistol. 

(Ernie seeing Dottie and Kit vigorously milking cows)
Ernie Capadino: Ow. Doesn't that hurt them? 
Dottie Hinson: Doesn't seem to. 
Ernie Capadino: Well, it would bruise the hell out of me. 
Dottie Hinson: Can I help you with something? 
Ernie Capadino: I'm Ernie Capadino. I'm a baseball scout. I saw you playing today. Not bad, not bad. You ever heard of Walter Harvey, makes Harvey bars - you know, the candy? 
Dottie Hinson: Yeah. We feed them to the cows when they're constipated. 
Ernie Capadino: That's the guy. He's starting a girls' baseball league, so he can make a buck while the boys are overseas. Wanna play? 
Dottie Hinson: Huh? 
Ernie Capadino: Nice retort. Tryouts are in Chicago. It's a real league, professional. 
Kit Keller: Professional - baseball? 
Ernie Capadino: Mmm-hmm. They'll pay you 75 dollars a week. 
Kit Keller: We only make 30 at the dairy. 
Ernie Capadino: Well then, this would be more, wouldn't it? 

Jimmy Dugan: Are you crying? Are you crying? ARE YOU CRYING? There's no crying! THERE'S NO CRYING IN BASEBALL! 















Mae Mordabito: What if at a key moment in the game my, my uniform bursts open and, uh, oops!, my bosoms come flying out? That, that might draw a crowd, right? 
Doris Murphy: You think there are men in this country who ain't seen your bosoms? 




(Mae is in confession; a thud is heard)
Doris Murphy: It's the second time he dropped that Bible since she's been in.
(Mae comes out, reverend looks shocked)
Doris Murphy: Mae. What did you say? 
Mae Mordabito: Everything. 




Charm School assistant: (The charm school teachers are inspecting each of the girls and they come to dowdy Marla Hooch.) What do you suggest? 
Charm School instructor: (repulsed) A lot of night games. 

One of my favorite moments and endlessly quotable lines in the movie. "Oh piss on your hat!"

The movie's anthem. Penned by Betty Spaghetti. Thanks girl!

Visit "A League of Their Own" at imdb.

Review: The Blind Side (Theatrical)

This movie is nominated for Best Picture?... Really?...Really.

When I first saw the trailer for this film attached to some movie I saw last summer, or fall, or whenever - regardless, I scoffed. I thought "What a sentimental piece of dreck!" And I continuously scoffed at it until it opened and it turned out to be a huge hit. And even as it played in theaters, I scoffed at it and vowed I would never see this movie because it looked cheesy and stupid. And after it started picking up steam and awards talk happened, I thought...really? This movie? And I scoffed some more. Then as it was shockingly nominated for Best Picture, I reluctantly thought "Well now I guess I have to see it. Maybe on DVD." And here we are, roughly three months since it's original release and I ventured to the theater to see the movie. THE MOVIE THEATER?! HOW IS IT STILL PLAYING!? THIS MOVIE?! SERIOUSLY?! HANABHBBJAHjnqskjnauyBIN.

Turns out, it was everything I dreamed it would be. Super sentimental, cheesy, eye rolling worthy - and yet I still enjoyed it. I enjoyed it in a way I thought maybe sometime, five years down the road I could rent a movie like this and curl up on my sofa and watch it at home and I may enjoy it. I don't understand why the audience we saw this with LOVED IT! I'm pretty sure the woman behind me was crying at the end, and the black couple in front of me were riotous throughout. The movie was entirely predictable with a story that seemed to go nowhere until a forced conflict appeared in the last 15 minutes of the movie that gets resolved as quickly as it comes on.

Sandra Bullock was nothing special. I hate saying that because I like her a lot, but to think she's the front runner to win Best Actress for a film released in the year of 2009 above all other actresses in all other movies for THIS MOVIE?!  WHY! Don't get me wrong, she was hugely entertaining in "The Proposal" and I loved her in it, so what if in this movie she's kind of serious for maybe a combined four minutes total when she tears up a little bit on screen. Hand the lady an award, please. Meanwhile Meryl Streep is tackling some very big (no pun intended) shoes with Julia Child and Gabby Sidibe is dealing with issues no person should ever deal with as Clarice Precious Jones, so I'm sorry Sandra Bullock, you don't deserve to win for this movie. Not this year. Comic actors have done the drama route before and it's been marvelous for some (Jim Carrey in "Eternal Sunshine" for instance) but "The Blind Side" does not do you justice.

And I haven't even began to discuss the craptastic message of the film. I assume it was meant to be one of hope and inspiration, a twisted Cinderella tale- boy ripped from the streets and becomes successful NFL player. But to me it played as "poor black boy saved from the dirges of his social position thanks to a nice white Christian lady, because poor black boys can only be saved by white ladies and their families, and especially if those families are Christians, because only Christians do good things." I didn't realize there would be religious undertones or overtones, let alone as prevalent as they were featured. Did a mega-church help fund this movie or something? The cross Sandra Bullock wore around her neck seemed to gleam every time her character did a good deed. And I'm not dissing religious people, or Christians, because to each their own, and it's cool and all, but when a movie appears to be about a woman who only does good in her life because she's Christian and that's what they do, rather than doing good because that need comes from deep within her, well I kinda get irked. It's not to say the woman Bullock is portraying wasn't a good person deep down and that's where the need came from to help poor Michael, but the Christian philosophy was continually shoved in the audience's faces and I didn't think it was a good enough justification of character.

I compare this movie to "Precious," a movie I adored, which is roughly about the same thing (poor black teenager overcomes their home roots to triumph) but whereas Precious found her inner strength from a place deep inside her, Michael finds his inner strength...well...he never actually seems to find it. He finds a way to smile a little bit more only because these white people have been so kind to him. That's not a well deserved payoff of a character's triumph, it's a movie called "The Blind Side." Woof.


Patrick Approval Rating: 5/10


The Blind Side @ imdb

Revisiting: The Princess Diaries and The Princess Diaries 2

Remember how I told y'all about when I need to fall asleep at night I watch comforting movies to help lure to me sleepy-land. Well here's one of my biggest guilty pleasures that I tend to watch on a yearly basis to help me go to sleep at night: "The Princess Diaries."

I very clearly remember seeing this movie way back in 2001. Woof. This movie is nine years old! Anne Hathaway, look at you now! My grandmother took me and my brothers and though I thought the movie looked funny from the trailers, I thought it was HEH-larious in the theaters. Even though it's wicked schlock-y and Gary Marshall directs all his movies like they're a bad sitcom from the 1950s with awkward gags, Anne Hathaway gives the role of Princess Mia Thermopolis her all and makes it work! Some of her stupid pratfalls and ridiculous comments still hold up today. But the rest of the movie kind of falls flat and feels very 2001. Erik Von Detten? What have you done since this came out? Celebrity Mole? I thought so. Mandy Moore, stop being all bratty and stupid and singing a ridiculous uber-pop "Stupid Cupid" on a beach. Nobody cares about you. Nevermind one of the most awkward to look at actresses to star in TV and film, Heather Matarazzo.

Terrifying.

The saving grace of these movies is Dame Julie Andrews. Sidenote: Is she a dame? If not, she should be. She grants us the gift of her presence in both "The Princess Diaries" and "The Princess Diaries 2: A Royal Engagement" (the second being released in 2004) and does her best to muddle though the schlock, making the movies watchable and rewatchable. For every awful scene with Mandy Moore (in #1) or Raven (in #2) there is an excellent scene with Julie Andrews and that makes it all better. She makes every movie she's in practically perfect and these are no exceptions.

Of course, the first movie is endlessly better than the second one and I almost wish the second one hadn't been made. The jokes are better in the first, the plot is wayy lame in the 2nd, and even though #2 features Chris Pine as a future Captain Kirk and a young thumb sucking Abigail Breslin (in one of the lamest parts of the movie as Princess Mia takes the stupid children from the orphanage and makes them walk in a parade with her) - the cast can't seem to get past the even worse jokes and gags and ridiculous plot devices and stupid characters that penetrate the humor of the movie.

So give me a good old "Princess Diaries" any day. I don't care. It cheers me up. It makes me happy. We're all entitled to those guilty pleasures. And so be it if I love Anne Hathaway and Julie Andrews. I'm just glad they never made a third one.

Patrick Approval Rating:

The Princess Diaries: 7/10

The Princess Diaries 2- A Royal Engagement: 4/10

The Princess Diaries @ imdb

The Princess Diaries 2- A Royal Engagement @ imdb

Review: The Lovely Bones

Let's start this review by tackling the age old book vs. movie argument. It's always said "the book is better than the movie." Well of course it is! Reading a book is like producing or directing a movie in your own head. As a matter of fact, I usually approach reading books in a very cinematical way, imagining it as a movie. When I read "The DaVinci Code" I read it as a movie. I visualize the book as it were a film. So when I see the movie, of course it will disappoint because my movie was my own creation and thus much better than anything Ron Howard could've done. Please. Even the Harry Potter books - books I adore, and even though I enjoy the movies, the movies pale in comparison to how I feel about the book. And it goes the other way too, once you've seen a movie based on book, it will forever change your vision of that book should you ever re-read it or read a sequel or something. It's just the way these things go.

Now I've heard and read people who have read "The Lovely Bones" thought the movie was awful and horrendous and blame director Peter Jackson for destroying this beautiful novel. As someone who has not read the book, I thought the movie was pretty good! So what if it lacked any real character development and was just a study on grief and the afterlife, but isn't that a good enough topic for a movie? I thought afterlife explored by the main character, Susie Salmon, played by Saoirse Ronan, was pretty cool to look at despite being overtly CG. And the whodunnit mystery of who killed Susie Salmon is thrilling. Oh please, her death is not even a spoiler alert. You find out within the first two minutes she's dead and within the first five who killed her. Nay - you find out the answer to both of those questions in the trailer for the movie.

The movie was creepy and terrifying and intensely cringeworthy at points. It covers some horrific events in the life and death of this little girl, and Best Supporting Actor nominated Stanley Tucci is Kreepy with a capital K. I think that was probably his character's name. Kreepy McKreeperson. I even didn't hate Mark Wahlberg as Susie's grieving father. I mean remember when he was Marky Mark? And now he's acting in Oscar nominated movies? He's come a long way.

Patrick Approval Rating: 7/10

The Lovely Bones @ imdb

Review: Crazy Heart (Theatrical)

"Crazy Heart" vs. "The Wrestler." That's all I kept thinking going into this movie. I knew it starred someone who all the talk was about for Best Actor and the story line was about a person who had been famous and successful and who had since fallen from grace and kept on keeping on the road to self-destruction. I knew the main character fell for a girl who was messed up herself and had a kid, and though she wanted to be with him, she knew he was bad for her. On paper it just sounded a lot like "The Wrestler" from last year starring Mickey Rourke, but in reality it was different. Obviously. It's a different movie.

Jeff Bridges plays Bad Blake, an old country singer who's broke, down on his luck, and can't seem to make his way back up from playing in tiny saloons and bowling alleys. He meets Jean, played by Maggie Gyllenhaal (too many letters of the same type), a reporter writing an article on him who he basically charms and begins a doomed from the beginning relationship with. So the two fight and get on and off and he keeps drinking and she keeps worrying and I keep wondering where this could possibly go. I knew if it was anything like "The Wrestler" I was going to walk out being all mopey and sad. But just when you think it's going down that road, it doesn't. Things kinda turn around for Bad Blake- maybe not in the best possible way - but the movie ends on a fairly good note whereas with "The Wrestler" I was all "Behhhhhhhhh" and sad.

I did like how the movie was almost a country musical. The songs by T-Bone Streep, nope...I mean T-Bone Burnett sort of commented on the place Bad Blake was in his life, but still could've been taken out of context to work as the bluesy folksy classic country hits they could've been. I don't particulary like this type of music but I found myself tappin' my toes quite a bit and Jeff Bridges is quite a musician! So is Colin Farrell, which was a big surprise to me. Who knew. Remember when he was always on coke?

So Jeff Bridges is front runner for the Oscar? Eh? Alright. I can see it. He made it look easy, almost like he wasn't even acting at all. Which might be the key to him playing this part because it doesn't seem like he's much different than Bad Blake in real life. Well, maybe he is, but he made me think he was Bad Blake regardless. He's very good. With seeing this film, I've now seen all Best Actor and Best Supporting Actress nominees. While I'm still partial for Best Actor to Colin Firth in "A Single Man" who crushed me with a single hearbreaking scene, Bridges does carry the whole movie, and he's good, so I'll be OK if and when he wins. Maggie Gyllenhaal is good, but she won't win Best Supporting Actress this year (Hello M'oM'o.) Plus Gyllenhaal always bothers me always bothers me a little bit. Maybe it's because of all of her Ls and As in her name, but I think it more likely has something to do with her sloopy shoulders she always seems to show off when she wears a lot of strapless tops.


Patrick Approval Rating: 8/10

Crazy Heart @ imdb

Review: The Hurt Locker (DVD)

After I saw "An Education" I figured why not continue my streak of Oscar movie seeing, especially on this nice long weekend, so I Redbox'd it up at Stop & Stop and rented what I guess is being called the frontrunner for the Best Picture win, "The Hurt Locker."

Firstly, I had to lookup what a hurt locker is, and apparently it's soldier speak for getting messed up real bad. As in when you do get messed up, you're stuck in a locker of hurt. So calling the movie "The Hurt Locker" is kinda like also saying if you're in the army in any way, you're also in somewhat of a permanent hurt locker because you're just asking for pain, especially the guys who this movie is about. It's about a US Army bomb squad in Iraq in 2004 who risk their lives to diffuse bombs that have been placed by insurgents by literally walking up to a bomb and diffusing it with their bare hands. Let's just say the movie is way intense. Here I was last night after a long day of work, seeing my second movie of the day, and I was tired- but I was literally was on the edge of my couch during several scenes, flinching at the possibility of what was coming. It had me right from the first frame all the way until the last in its poweful grip. It's shot almost like a documentary so you forget you're watching a movie - it feels so vividly real and scary. "The Hurt Locker" is a classic suspense thriller, where you know the dangers these characters face and you watch them do it, and it can either end one of two ways - the live, or they die. I loved how director Kathyrn Bigelow and writer Mark Boal could have just let the story run the film, but they didn't. We were given glimpses into who these guys were and why they were doing what they were doing and how they felt about their jobs. Some were conflicted, some thought they were sure of it, but not be, and some did it because it made them feel alive to be so close to death. Not only did we get these clues through dialogue but simple shots with just a closeup or a quick look.

Sidenote: I always enjoy seeing actors I didn't know were in movies pop up in random bits. Like I remember hearing Evangeline Lilly (Kate on "Lost") was in this, but by the time she actually popped up in the movie I was so into it I forgot about her and I was like "OH YEAH!" Other notable cameos included Guy Pierce, Ralph Fiennes, and the Ice Truck Killer from "Dexter." He was one of the most exciting to me because I can't recall seeing him in anything else except for when he scared the pants off me as the serial killer from "Dexter's" first season.

Well, did I enjoy this movie? Yes! Yes I did. Do I think it should win Best Picture? No...no I don't.

Maybe I'm suffering a little "Slumdog" syndrome, where the hype and focus for the big win is for one of the movies I liked, but I didn't like the best. And maybe this just shows that the Academy Award winners don't necessarily mean that movie is the best. I've certainly seen movies that weren't nominated for anything and thought they were better than any movies that won or were nominated. But I think what these awards allow for, and why I get so obsessed with seeing the movies, is that a wider audience becomes aware of and gets to see films that are excellent and should be seen. I may have never seen "The Hurt Locker" if it wasn't nominated for anything, but I'm very glad I did. It's a powerful, affecting movie - a commentary on the war against terror and the soldiers who risk their lives to fight for what and why? But do I think it should win Best Picture? At this point, when I've seen seven of the ten nominees, I'm going to say no. I still think "Up" was the best movie of the year, "Avatar" completely blew me away and made me forget where I was in a theater for a good three hours, and even "Up in the Air" connected with me more than "The Hurt Locker." But it's still a very good movie, and one I'd like to revisit when the Oscar hype is not all up in its grill.


Patrick Approval Rating: 9/10

The Hurt Locker @ imdb